No time to sleep, yo it’s on tonight
K-C you feeling me right? (Yeah)
2-0-0-0, the Will 2 K
The new millennium, yo excuse me Willennium (yeah)
-Will Smith, “Will2K”
We laughed when we heard those lyrics. “Will-enium? Oh please,” we snarkily replied. “I think maybe the Fresh Prince is a little full of himself.” We were wrong to question this wise prophesy from a truly great man. Only a few years into the new Willennium and already it clearly belongs to this charismatic rapper/actor/visionary. I’ll now state in words what everyone already knows in their hearts: that the next 1,000 years (and more) belong to you, Will Smith.
A movie star is someone whose name and face can all but guarantee a film huge box office success. There used to be many of them in what we once called “America.” However, times have changed, and nobody opens a movie to success like Will Smith does. Before the Willenium (and now forever more) his movies regularly grossed in the hundred million / two hundred dollar range. He is the king of movies and our country.
With the money he made from his movies and hit records, Will Smith bought an army of foreign mercenaries to invade the US, hack into world banks and take over the White House. Bravely aided by Russia, China and many terrorist groups, our most beloved movie star is now the wealthiest, most powerful man on the planet. Or to quote his new mega-hit single, “Takin’ Over (Yeah)”:
I got a new crew and my attitude’s jiggy
Rulin’ the world with my girl – can ya feel me?
Will is the Pres—yo excuse me, Willesident
Obey my commands now, don’t be hesitant
There are rumors of resistance groups mounting an attack from secret bunkers within the great state of Willsconsin, but make no mistake: the Fresh Prince will find and kill each and every Carlton (or in oldspeak, “traitor”). His eyes are everywhere, watching us at all times. How ironic! For years, we paid to watch Will Smith, and now he pays for the technology to watch us. Oh, the glorious irony! Hail the Willenium! Hail Willmerica!
Hail! Hail! Hail!
On behalf of former non-believers everywhere, we beg your forgiveness, Willesident Smith. May you and Queen Jada lead us into a new age, where Summertime is forever and parents finally understand. Unfortunately, my parents didn’t understand, but they were led to the Re-Willification Camps for Brain Org. Thank you, Mighty King.
